Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
