Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
