Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
