margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
