MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
