loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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