This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
