thus making me awesome and them whores
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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