Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pants are for mortals
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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