you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
