i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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