Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize