I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
