do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
