He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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