i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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