I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
