but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
