lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
