There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
