Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He kissed a someone with a penis
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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