after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
