He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
