I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
