You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
