I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
