a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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