Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
