I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
