help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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