The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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