I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
