My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
