I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
