it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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