I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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