took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
