i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
God I need to hump something, right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
