It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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