If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
