If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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