ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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