The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well you can't waste a boner
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
