I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
