she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
