I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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