i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
