garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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