the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
