I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
