A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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