Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize