Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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