I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize