I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
