i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize