A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
