where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
