Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
