no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
