oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
